How to get a police certificate in Thailand – Updated May 2024

Everything you need to know about getting a police certificate in Thailand

… by someone who did it the hard way!

MAY 2024 Update: A lot has changed since I originally wrote this article and apparently, the system is now much improved compared to 2019. Many thanks to Jason for this update, based on his recent experiences.

You need to go to Building 6 at the Royal Thai Police Headquarters in Bangkok, not Building 10 and inform whoever is on duty that you are there for a police check. They will give you a ticket with a number and the process begins…

Keep an eye on the information screens, as they will tell you which booth you need to go to at each stage of the process.

When your number is called, go to the appropriate booth. You will need to hand over copies of:

The identity (photo) page of your passport. If you hold more than one passport, copy each photo page.
All your Thai entry and exit stamps, as well as all of your Non-B visa stamps or your Thailand visa if you don’t hold a Non-B.
Your work permit (if you are working in the country).
Your offer of employment (if you are seeking a police certificate as a background check) or a copy of your contract. Apparently, this does not have to be translated into Thai, despite what the website says.

You will also need completed application forms, which can now be downloaded from the website ahead of time.

I would recommend taking copies of your TM30 (notification of where you live), TM6 (departure card) and most recent ninety-day (90) report, if you have them, just in case they ask for it.

Photos and fingerprints are still done on the day and remember to take baby wipes to clean your fingers, as the fingerprints may not be done electronically.

Once all that is done and the paperwork has been checked, you can pay and leave. The fee, including the envelope and postage is apparently 160 baht, so not bad at all, considering it was 150 baht back in 2019!

According to Jason, the whole process takes about 30 mins to complete, but be sensible and allow yourself a couple of hours, just in case things don’t go to plan. Also, remember to call ahead and check that the office is open. The last thing you want is to get there and find that it’s a public holiday or special leave day.

That’s it, but do check the original post below, as there’s heaps of useful additional info to help you out.

Good Luck!

ORIGINAL POST

Recently, I had to get a police certificate, also known as a criminal check or a penal record, from the Royal Thailand Police. Although it is not that common for foreigners in Thailand to need one, you might do if you have been out of your home country for some time, are starting a new job in Thailand or applying for a visa from another country. Hopefully, this handy guide, based on my own experiences, will help you.

What you will need to get a police certificate in Thailand (as a foreigner)

A copy of the identity (photo) page of every passport that you hold.
A copy of your Thailand visa.
A copy of your Thailand work permit (if you are working in the country).
A copy of your TM30 (notification of where you live).
A copy of your TM6 (departure card).
A copy of your most recent ninety-day (90 day) report.

Depending on your country of origin, you may need to get these copies certified, although in many cases a normal photocopy is sufficient. Give the Police Clearance Service Centre a call before you visit in person, to check the requirements. The phone number is: 02 205 2168 or you can email them at pcs.center@sbpolice.go.th.

A Thai TM30 form needed for a police certificate - Rob Gregory Author

A TM30. If you don’t have one of these, you are in trouble and could face a 1,600 Baht fine!

With regard to Thailand visas, I would recommend taking a copy of every visa that you have had while living in the country, just to avoid the possibility of any problems when you get to the office.

It is also a good idea to take your original passports as well, just in case you need to make an additional copy.

Apply for your police certificate in person if you are in the country

As far as I can tell, if you are in Thailand when you apply for a police certificate, then you must do so in person at the Police Clearance Service Centre in Bangkok. This is because they will take a copy of your fingerprints on the day. For those applying outside of the country, there are other procedures that you must follow. Check the Police Clearance Service Centre website for details if you are applying from outside Thailand.

If you are not living in Bangkok, this can be a bit of a pain, because of the additional travel involved, but unfortunately, nowhere else in the country is allowed to issue a police certificate at this point in time, so you’ll just have to take grin and bear it!

Call ahead before you travel!

The Police Clearance Service Centre is open from 08:30-16:30 on weekdays and does not close for lunch. The only times that it is closed are outside these hours and on public holidays. However, I strongly advise that you call them on 02 205 2168 a couple of days before you travel, to confirm that they will be open.

I travelled down with my family on a normal weekday, only to discover that the clearance centre staff had been seconded to provide support for an ASEAN meeting that was taking place in the capital. This meant that I had to go back the following day to get my business done, which was less than ideal, seeing as how I was staying in Chiang Mai, some 700km away!

Thai Police Clearance Service Centre Homepage

Homepage of the Thailand Police Clearance Service Centre website. 2024 Update: Links to application forms now work!

Note: While events like exceptional closures might well be notified in the press and on TV, such notifications may not be in English and are easily missed. Also, even though the Police Clearance Service Centre website is now pretty good, it doesn’t detail special closures, so the best thing to do is call ahead and check that they are open for business before you travel. The number is: 02 205 2168.

Travel to the Royal Thailand Police Headquarters in Bangkok

Fly, drive, hitch-hike or walk, whatever suits you best, to the police headquarters in Bangkok. It is located on Rama 1 Road, in Pratum Wan, a stone’s throw from two major shopping malls, Central World and Siam Paragon. It is a huge complex and very hard to miss, with signs both in English and Thai. Plus, the exterior railings are painted in the distinctive plum red of the Thailand police force!

Foreigners can enter the complex without ID. Just walk through the metal detector at the gatehouse and smile at the police on guard. Thailand nationals must surrender a photo ID, e.g. ID card or driving licence, in exchange for a visitor’s pass before they are allowed to enter.

You will need to go to ‘Building 10’, NOT ‘Building 24’ as listed on the Police Clearance Service Centre website. Just ask the guards and they will tell you where to go (in a nice way, of course).

Map of the Royal Thai Police HQ - Rob Gregory Author

Map of the Royal Thai Police Headquarters, in Bangkok, showing the Police Clearance Service Centre (pinned).

Start queuing for your police certificate

Building 10 is quite small and can easily get crowded with people seeking police certificates, so stay calm and prepare yourself for a bit of a wait. The good news is that once you start the process, it doesn’t take too long to complete and by Thailand standards is pretty well organised.

While you are waiting, you can take advantage of the ‘gift shop’ just inside the front entrance to buy gifts for your loved ones, including Royal Thai Police clothing patches and a range of rather serious looking knives (I am not joking about this).

Main entrance of the Royal Thai Police HQ - Rob Gregory Author

The main entrance to the Royal Thai Police Headquarters, in Bangkok. Image taken from Google Maps.

Getting a Thailand police certificate – the physical process

Step 1 – Justify yourself

An officer sitting directly opposite the main doors will ask you what you want the police certificate for and if you are travelling overseas, when you plan to do so. Thailand police certificates are only valid for one month after being issued, although most governments will accept them for several months after this. Once you have satisfied the officer (you don’t need to provide any supporting evidence), they will give you an application form and a fingerprint card. Don’t bother trying to download the application form off the website, the link does not work!

Step 2 –Fill in the forms

Go to the table and complete both forms. In a rare display of forward thinking, there are samples in both English and Thai, to help you fill in the right information in the right spaces. Remember, in Thailand, the Thai script comes first, so make sure you double check before putting pen to paper, as it is easy to fill in the wrong boxes.

Step 3 –Get your documents checked

Go to the table next to the one where you completed the application and fingerprint forms. An officer there will check your forms and scribble on them. They will also check your photocopies. This is where I fell foul of the system. I needed the police certificate for New Zealand, but had my visa in my British passport, so only took copies of my British one to Bangkok (silly of me, I know). I managed to print out a copy of my NZ one from my laptop at a very helpful, if rather expensive, bookshop around the corner from the police complex, but this is why it is so important to take copies of every passport and visa that you have with you.

Step 4 – Get your fingerprints taken

The fingerprint station is on the other side of the table where you filled in your application form and a very helpful officer will cover your digits in black ink and then press them onto the completed fingerprint card with glee.

Helpful tip: Take some baby wipes or kitchen roll with you because there are no hand dryers in the toilets and you really don’t want to use the grotty old towels that are lying around in there!

Step 5 – Get your photo taken

Right next to the fingerprint station is the photography area. It only takes a minute to get your mugshot taken and then you are on to the next stage… more checking!

Step 6 –Get validated

Go back to the officer who originally checked your documents. They will tell you to go to a numbered desk in an annexe to one side of the main area (next to the photography station). Go inside, hand your forms to the officer behind the relevant desk and smile. The officer will check everything, then stamp and validate your application. It only takes a few minutes, which is good and smiling does help, believe me!

Step 7 –Pay up and get your receipt

Go back into the main area. Hand your authorised documents to the officer at the desk opposite the table where you originally completed your forms. They will do one final check, then take your money and issue you with an official receipt. The current cost for a police certificate is 100 Baht.

Step 8 –To post or not to post?

Nearly done. It normally takes around three weeks to process a police certificate and you can choose whether you want to collect it in person or have it posted to your address in Thailand. If you choose the postage option, it will cost you an additional 50 Baht. An officer sitting beside the one who issues the receipts will take your money and give you a blank envelope. Back to the big table one last time and fill in your address. Then, give the envelope to the officer, breathe a big sigh of relief and leave the building.

Congratulations, you have successfully applied for a Thailand police certificate!

Now, go and get yourself a coffee, beer or something a bit stronger… you deserve it!

All up, the whole process should take less than an hour to complete from start to finish, however, I would recommend that you allow yourself at least two hours, if not more, just in case the Police Clearance Service is particularly busy on the day you choose to apply for your police certificate.

*****

Note: As with everything in Thailand, the rules, regulations, processes and locations frequently change, often without notice. While I hope that this information is useful to you, if you do find that any of it has become outdated, please let me know at info@rob-gregory.com so that I can update this article and help others avoid mistakes. Thank you and good luck!

Also, while you are here, why not have a look at some of my other Thailand blogs, or check out my short stories? Most of them are free and are an excellent way to pass the time while you are waiting for your Thailand police certificate.

Thank you!

Amazing Thailand No 6 – Asian Insects

Asian Dust – A Pervasive Problem

Further musings on Thailand’s bad air quality

An Ominous Introduction

As you probably already know, Chiang Mai, in Northern Thailand, has the unenviable distinction of having the most polluted air in the world at certain times of the year, most notably during the stubble burning months between February and May. According to data from the World Air Quality Project, in the 2019 season, PM2.5 levels in the city rose to 282µg/m³ — the maximum safe level indicated by the World Health Organisation is 25µg/m³ — giving Chiang Mai an Air Quality Index (AQI) of over 296.

PM2.5 chart for Chiang Mai 2019 - Rob Gregory Author

Historical PM2.5 data for Chiang Mai during 2019. Green is good. Everything else is not.

At the time, things were so bad in the ‘Rose of the North’ as Chiang Mai is sometimes called, that I wrote a tongue-in-cheek blog about how you could literally eat the air, it was that thick. You can read it here if you are interested.

Thankfully, things have calmed down since then, although at the time of writing, Chiang Mai still had an AQI of 105 according to Airvisual.com, with PM2.5 levels standing at 37.1µg/m³, so not all that healthy for your average city-dweller.

AQI reading for Chiang Mai - 26 Sept 2019 - Rob Gregory Author

Air Quality Index for Chiang Mai at 3pm on 26 September 2019, the time when this post was written.

However, rather than focusing on pesky, seasonal micro-pollutants, today I want to discuss another, all pervasive, but often overlooked airborne contaminant that brings misery to the lives of millions on a daily basis. Yes, that’s right, Asian dust.

A Different Kind of Dust

Dust is everywhere and comes from many different sources, including I should point out, ourselves. Dead skin cells can account for a substantial amount of the dust that occurs in the home environment, especially in the bedroom. Other sources of dust include soil particles, plant and animal fibres, airborne pollutants, ash and pollen. Dust as we know it, is commonly reported in AQI measurements as PM10.

However, Asian dust is different to that found in other parts of the world. Asian dust is vicious, nasty stuff. It is the kind of dust that lurks in alleyways, tempting young children into strange cars with promises of sweets and cute puppies. It is the kind of dust that swindles old ladies out of their pension money. It is the kind of dust, that like your Uncle Steve, turns up uninvited on Christmas Day and refuses to help with the washing up after eating all of the mince pies. In short, it is dust with a grudge and you had better watch out because once it has you in its sights, then there is no hope of escape!

Air pollution in Chiang Mai during 2019 - Rob Gregory Author

Air pollution during the burning season in Chiang Mai, 2019.

My Life With Dust

I first came across Asian dust almost a decade ago and to tell you the truth, that first encounter nearly finished me off there and then. I’m a genteel sort by nature and the kind of person who likes to keep a tidy home. My batting average with regard to dust was pretty good at the time and friends often commented on the ‘show home’ conditions that I lived in. All that changed when I moved to Asia.

Within a day or two of unpacking, I noticed a grimy, grey-black substance on my writing desk. Further examination revealed the same stuff on the coffee table and my bookshelves, not to mention other parts of the house. I took to it with a feather duster and then a can of Pledge, which had always done the trick in the past and was amazed by the resistance of the alien fuzz to traditional cleaning methods.

Unlike the well behaved British and Antipodean dust that I was used to, this unusual and unruly beast was sticky and clung to the surfaces with the tenacity of a one-handed man on the edge of a cliff. When it did finally relinquish its hold, it stuck just as fast to the feather duster and cleaning rag as it had done to the desktop. After much flicking, rubbing and buffing, I finally had the house clean again — although the feather duster and cleaning cloth were never the same — and settled down to a bit of much needed and very cathartic writing.

Dust on a fingertip - Rob Gregory Author

My mortal enemy for longer than I can remember. Sticky and all-pervasive, Asian dust.

The following day, it was back! Not quite as thick as the day before, but there nonetheless and with an evil glint in its eye that promised that this was only the beginning of a game that would be played out over a span of months and then years. It was then that I realised that I had contracted Asian dust!

Since then, my life has been one endless battle with the sticky detritus of a thousand passing scooters and soil-coated flip-flops, and I know from bitter experience not to skip a day, because that will only make it ten times worse when I come to resume the fight the following day.

The Dust Gets Worse

Some years ago, I became involved with a little bar in Chiang Mai. It’s a bit like Hemingway’s but without the customers. Still, it is home and I am rather fond of the place. Like many bars in Thailand, it is open to the street and this is where my woes are compounded. Every day, we wipe the tables, chairs and shelves before opening and every day, by the time that we close, a new layer of Asian dust has accumulated on every surface that we own.

Recently, things have taken a turn for the worse, due to a building project that has begun along the road from us. Several times each day, trucks laden with dirt, drive past the bar and leave in their wake, damp soil and building spoil, which, when it dries out becomes… yes, you’ve guessed it, Asian dust! Now, instead of having to clean the bar once a day, it is a task that must be done every couple of hours. I must admit that I have a growing appreciation for the suffering of the Greek figure, Sisyphus, and feel like I am living in the Asian version of the movie, Interstellar, although in my case, Michael Caine is five thousand miles away and I don’t have a spaceship or a wormhole to crawl in to!

Dust on a table top in Chiang Mai - Rob Gregory Author

Believe it or not, this table was cleaned less than three hours before the photo was taken!

Till Dust Do Us Part

Dust is a real problem in Asia and one that is set to get worse, with the increase in car ownership, high density living and the consequent number of major building projects that are occurring in the region. PM10 pollution might not have the same fear factor as its 2.5 micron cousin, but to my mind it is just as damaging, both physically and mentally. After all, dust particles, no matter what size they are, have to be filtered out by the body, be it by nose hairs, mucus membranes or in the lungs themselves and the constant cleaning that must be done to maintain a habitable living environment does tend to wear you down over time.

Historical PM10 data for Chiang Mai in 2019 - Rob Gregory Author

Historical PM10 data for Chiang Mai during 2019. Green is good, but is it good enough?

In a few months, I will be leaving Asia, for hopefully less polluted climes and while there is much that I will miss about this wonderful and anarchic part of the world, Asian dust is one thing that I will be happy to leave behind.

For more information about air quality, see:

https://aqicn.org/city/chiang-mai/

https://www.airvisual.com/thailand/chiang-mai

Air Quality Index (Wikipedia)

Amazing Thailand No 6 – Asian Insects

… An occasional series…

Welcome back to Amazing Thailand, the land of smiles, although you might be hard pressed to manage a grin if any of these little critters turned up on your plate!

Yes, that’s right. This time, it’s the turn of Asian insects to feature under the Amazing Thailand spotlight.

Thailand is full of weird and wonderful six-legged creatures. Some of them, like Rhinoceros Beetles and the Oleander Hawk-moth are quite impressive, although the latter does do a very good job of destroying my Busy Lizzie plants, during its larval (caterpillar) stage! Others are merely annoying, such as the ubiquitous cockroaches that scurry around the streets at night. And then there are the edible ones…

Not content with having a plethora of the wee, exoskeleton-wearing beasties running around in the jungle, or living under the house, the Thais have gone a step further and invited them into the kitchen or to be more precise, into their cooking pots.

Ugh, you might say, but the insect protein market is big business in Thailand and Asian insects should fear for their fleeting lives, as they are consumed in ever greater numbers each year. In case you don’t believe me, below is a selection of edible Asian insects that are on sale at my local supermarket, all pre-packaged and frozen for your convenience.

Definitely not for the faint-hearted, enjoy them if you dare!

Asian insects - Bag of Sa Gu Larvae - Rob Gregory Author

Mmm, a lovely bag of frozen Sa Gu worms for dinner tonight.

Asian insects. Close up of Sa Gu Worms - Rob Gregory Author

Just in case you wondered what Sa Gu worms looked like in close up!

Asian insects - Frozen Bamboo Caterpillars - Rob Gregory Author

Frozen Bamboo caterpillar anyone?

Asian insects - Frozen crickets - Rob Gregory Author

Frozen cricket or frozen house cricket, the choice is yours.

Asian insects - Silkworm pupae - Rob Gregory Author

Silkworm pupae. Treat your innards to some silk!

Asian insects - Silkworm pupae and frozen house crickets - Rob Gregory Author

Silkworm pupae and house crickets, a perfect combination for any dinner.

*****

Stay tuned for more Amazing Thailand soon… hopefully Asian insect free!

The mid-year writing review

The Mid-Year Writing Review

… A lot has happened in six months…

Wow! It’s hard to believe that we’re fast approaching the middle of the year already. So much has happened in the last six months, that it feels like it was only yesterday that I was writing to you with a wrap up of everything that had happened in 2018.

Although I’ve been fairly quiet on the blogosphere since May, an awful lot has been going on here in the little prison-study that I call home. So, without further ado, let’s bring you up to speed with the Rob Gregory Mid-Year Writing Review 2019!

JANUARY. The start of 2019 saw me frantically working on the final edits to my epic revenge thriller ‘Yogol’s Gold’. Weighing in at just under 115,000 words, it was the longest piece of work that I’d produced to date and probably the one with the most difficult gestation. After scouring the Internet, looking for literary agents, I finally began sending out queries at the end of the month, in the hope of securing a traditional publishing deal. So far, the response has not been encouraging, but still, the year isn’t over yet, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Bars of gold. Yogol's Gold, mid-year writing review 2019 - Rob Gregory Author

Yogol’s Gold. Click here for a synopsis in rhyme!

FEBRUARY. This part of the mid-year writing review was dominated by all things related to The Lucius Chronicles, the compilation of the DATS Trilogy, which was my first offering to the literary world. Despite saying that I wasn’t going to bother much with self-publishing anymore, I found myself spending hours on Amazon and Smashwords, not to mention Facebook and Twitter, making sure that the book was formatted to perfection and given the best chance of making it. I even revised the front covers of the original books in the trilogy and made Death and the Schoolboy, the first instalment, FREE on Smashwords.

MARCH. The launch of The Lucius Chronicles. Despite applying just about everything that I had learned about self-publishing during the previous year, the response to the launch was more than underwhelming, despite masses of self-promotion and discounting on my part, in order to spike some interest among readers. Needless to say, I was left feeling rather deflated and began digging into the dark side of self-publishing. What I discovered there was truly appalling and has tainted my view of the industry forever. It will be the subject of a future blog, but if you’re interested, you can check out one very enlightening article about shady practices here.

The Lucius Chronicles. A book by Rob Gregory Author. Mid year writing review 2019

The Lucius Chronicles. Check it out, because it’s going to be a classic!

Despite the failure of The Lucius Chronicles to set the world alight, I did manage to begin work on a novella, set in Northern Thailand, provisionally called ‘Turning the Tide’. It was nice to get stuck into something a little different and more gritty than contemporary fantasy and it must have had some effect on me, because it was done, dusted and out for review by early April.

APRIL. At this point in the mid-year writing review, let me say that I’d reached something of a crossroads. With one novel out for query with literary agents, another doing very little on Amazon and Smashwords, and a 52,000 novella being tested by beta reviewers, what was I going to do? The answer turned out to be simple. Write another story! So, I set about creating a book of short, interlinked, fantasy tales, with a humorous twist, using some of the characters from my first novel, Drynwideon.

At the same time, I decided to make my Fotherington-Tomas series available on Amazon and Smashwords, under what is known as a rapid-release schedule, i.e. one story each month or thereabouts. For those of you who don’t know, Fotherington-Tomas is England’s greatest secret agent, super-detective, appointed by Her Majesty the Queen no less, to protect the good name of the monarchy and British Empire. A mixture of Sherlock Holmes and Harry Flashman, he’s an old school hero, dropped into the modern world, with highly amusing results.

Oh, and I also kicked off the first in my series of author interviews, focusing on the lovely Shauna McGuiness, from America.

The Untimely Demise of Fotherington-Tomas. A short story by Rob Gregory Author. Mid-year writing review 2019

The first in the Fotherington-Tomas series. Now available at Amazon and Smashwords.

May. Lovely May. With summer just around the corner, I spent a fair bit of time editing the four books that comprise The Lost Tales of Landos, for their owner, British author, Chris Whyatt. It was one of those all-consuming tasks, made all the more pleasant by the fact that I enjoyed his writing immensely. In fact, I now understand that he’s in the middle of writing the fifth novel, so watch this space for details.

June. And so, we arrive at the here and now, which is also the end of the mid-year writing review. A few days ago, I finished the first draft of the fantasy short stories I’ve been working on and will shortly begin the editing process. Then, that will go out for beta review. If anyone is interested, then drop me a line at info@rob-gregory.com

Following that, I’ll be finalising Turning the Tide, in readiness for another round of agent querying, before starting work on yet another book. I’m not sure at this stage, whether it will be my much-anticipated comedy Sci-Fi novel or another Thailand book, but whatever, you can bet that it’s going to be good.

So, there you have it. Not a bad effort for six months of work if I say so myself. Let’s just hope that it starts to pay off in the closing half of the year!

Thank you, as always, for your continued support and check out my books, especially the Fotherington-Tomas series, if you haven’t done so already!

THANK YOU!

CP name change shocker!

… Thai food giant, CP, changes name in surprise announcement…

In an emotional press conference, held outside its first ever Sleven-Eleven store on Patpong Road, Bangkok, a tearful Supali Chariariariot, CEO of Thai food giant, Charred Pophand (CP) stunned investors and customers alike, with the shock announcement of a new name for the beleaguered company.

Over the last few years, CP has been accused of a series of less than ethical business practices, including high-sea slavery and its less glamorous cousin, on-land slavery, which involves forcing Thai farmers into crippling debt, which they cannot escape from. More recently, it has also been implicated as a major contributor to severe air pollution in Northern Thailand, during the annual (and highly illegal) burn-off of crops after harvesting.

Obviously, all of this bad press has taken its toll, because Chariariariot, surrounded by a throng of inquisitive ladyboys, bar-girls and masseuses from the surrounding red-light district, not to mention our own intrepid reporter, Arjan Falangies-Hoojenflicker, dressed only in a mini-skirt and high-heels, broke down at one point during the announcement, saying:

“It’s just not fair! The way that we’ve been demonised by the world’s media, you would think that it was wrong to buy fishmeal from slave ships. I mean, we pass the savings onto our customers, so it’s not like we’re hurting anyone important. To be honest, these allegations have upset me deeply. I’ve only been able to buy myself four new Mercedes so far this year and none of them has made me very happy, which is why, after much thought, I’ve decided to change the name of CP and the way that we work forever.”

It is believed that CP sought the services of major US marketing powerhouse, Big Sticky Balls, to help them come up with the new name and brand identity. The company has an impressive record, having previously worked with President Donald Duck to turn him from an offensive, uneducated moron, into a fun-loving guy, whose witty one-liners have the world in stitches, not to mention turning failed table-dancer and male escort, Jean-Claude Con-Domme, into a Hollywood B-list celebrity (albeit only for a short time).

Speaking about the partnership, Chariariariot said: “With Big Sticky Balls behind us, we can do anything, and I am confident that our new name will be a success and one that the public and consumers alike will gladly swallow without really questioning it.”

And the new name? Well, in a stroke of marketing genius that could only come from Big Sticky Balls and a one-billion-baht paycheck, the company will now be known as PC, which makes everything alright.

“With a name like PC and our new mission to be ‘The soup-kitchen of the world,’ people are going to love us, and all of our previous naughtiness will be quickly forgotten. Being PC is absolutely wonderful and I’m proud to be a part of it,” said Chariariariot. “Besides, if we’re PC in public, then that alone will help draw attention away from what we’re really doing in private,” he added under his breath.

Critics were quick to, well… criticise, the announcement, calling it a white-wash and mere public relations trickery, to which Chariariariot responded: “If you think that I give a crap about what a bunch of long-haired, unwashed vegans and drug-addicts think, then you’re talking to the wrong man. I’ve got their names and they will be dealt with extremely harshly,” before correcting himself and saying, “I feel very sorry for those poor, misguided people. Obviously, they don’t understand all of the good work that we are doing here. We are the good guys. After all, we’re PC.”

So, there you have it. Hot off the press from our very own cross-dressing South East Asian correspondent, Arjan Falangies-Hoojenflicker, CP becomes PC, in one of the biggest shock announcements we’ve ever revealed on this site. Will the new name stick, or will we find yet another human finger in tomorrow’s fishmeal? We’ll bring you the truth… just as soon as we’ve worked out what it is!

*****

While you’re here, why not check out some of my other Thailand blogs?

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