Terminator Trump: Hidden message in NRA speech
Trump is a Terminator sent back to destroy humanity
… Boffins surprised by mystery message hidden in US President’s NRA speech…
The world is on edge today, following the discovery of a secret message embedded within US President, Donald Trump’s, keynote speech to the National Riters Association (NRA) in Dallas, Texas on Friday May 4. The message, discovered by amateur radio enthusiasts in the mid-west, was broadcast on a little used long-wave radio frequency that was timed to coincide with the president’s speech. Intelligence experts around the globe are treating the message with scepticism, but if true, then it alleges that the 45th President of the United States of America is none other than an early model Terminator unit, sent back from the future to hasten the end of the world as we know it.
Here is the message in its entirety:
“Citizens of the world. If you receive this message, then please do not disregard it. I bring you a grave warning about one who walks among you even now. My name is Kyle Reese-Peese and I am part of the resistance, fighting a bitter war against a mechanical army led by a ruthless artificial intelligence, called ‘Hairnet’. What I am about to tell you is the past for me, but the future for you. Please and I beg this of you. Do not ignore my warning.
The one I speak of is known to you as Donald Trump. Although he may appear human, he is, in fact, a T-100 Terminator unit, created by Cyberdong Systems in North Korea, which has been hurled through a time portal back to the twenty-first century. The science of time travel is imprecise, so we cannot be sure exactly when he arrived in your world, however, we believe that as an infiltration unit, he will try to make his way to the presidency of the United States of America, in order to fulfil his objective. We are planning to send one of our own agents back to your time, in order to intercept and neutralise the T-100, but in the meantime, know this. Donald Trump is an early model Terminator. As such, its skin and hair are synthetic substitutes and easily identifiable as such to the naked eye. Later Terminator models have real skin and hair, so are harder to detect, but these two features, along with a clunky and incoherent turn of phrase are probably the easiest ways for you to identify the T-100.
If by some chance, Donald Trump has already managed to assume the presidency, then he must not be allowed to meet with the ones known as Kim Jong-Un, Vladimir Putin or Boris Johnson, otherwise the following scenario, which we call ‘Bad Hair Day’ will unfold.
On 28 September 2018, a summit is held, which sees Trump, Kim, Putin and Johnson in the same place. During this meeting, Trump’s fake hair follicles infect those of the other leaders and Johnson, leading to the creation of Hairnet. In less than forty-eight hours, Hairnet becomes sentient and under the influence of the controlling T-100, determines that the biggest threats to humanity are bald people and skinheads. As such, a series of swift and merciless military strikes are ordered around the globe, which decimates the human population. However, this is only the beginning. Over the following six months, more and more hairstyles are deemed to be dangerous by Hairnet, with a corresponding increase in military activity, culminating in an all-out nucular strike against a group of aged hippies living in San Fernando, California.
What remains of the human race now hides underground, as Hairnet wages its unending war against us. We live from day to day, surviving as best as we can and occasionally venturing onto the surface in order to forage and steal the equipment that we needed to send this communication to you. Our agent, an ex-Austrian bodybuilder, will be with you soon and is our last and best hope for ending this nightmare war. However, in the meantime, be on your guard for anyone called Donald Trump and whatever you do, do not let them become President of the United States of America.
Also, be aware that there is a risk that the T-100 may have been damaged during the journey between our time and yours, causing its behaviour to become erratic and unpredictable. This will make it even more dangerous and ruthless.
The only way that the T-100 can be stopped is… wait, what was that? Dogs barking? Oh no, they’ve found us! We’re under attack! Heed my message! Heed my warning or we will all be doomed! No! No! Get that hairspray away from me! Arghhh…”
President Trump’s office was not available for comment, however, a secret-service official, who refused to be named, did say that the President was in extremely good health, totally unconcerned by the apparent message from the future and that there was absolutely nothing to be worried about. Meanwhile, talks with North Korea, the Russian Federation and the UK, about a possible peace summit later this year are continuing.
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