Don’t go in the yellow snow!

Don’t go in the yellow snow!

Don’t go in the yellow snow!

…travellers beware of BBC weather reports…

By the time that you read this post, I will hopefully be in the UK, having travelled from the balmy climes of SE Asia, through the blisteringly hot sands of the Middle East, to arrive in London in what is promising to be the middle of an unusually cold spell, thanks to the so-called ‘Beast from the East’.

Being a good traveller, I like to check for any weather warnings or planned delays that might affect me a few days before I embark on a journey. So, you can imagine my surprise a couple of days ago when I looked online for weather warnings in the UK and was rewarded with a very sincere report from the BBC concerning ‘yellow snow’.

Now, I don’t know about you, but yellow snow means something very particular to me and to see such an esteemed authority as the BBC warning of the stuff covering almost all of England, Scotland and Wales by the middle of the week had me very worried indeed. You see, as a child, yellow snow was the stuff of legend. You’d occasionally see small piles of it at the side of the road and any attempt to investigate it would be met with a stern telling-off from any grown-up in the immediate vicinity. So, to hear that the UK is in for a veritable golden shower of the stuff, just when I’m due to arrive, is worrying news indeed. And it doesn’t stop there. Some parts of the UK are due for a dumping of ‘amber snow’! I have no idea what this variant of yellow snow is. All I can think of is that it might involve those whose lavatory pipes have frozen solid, forcing them to seek desperate relief in the garden and compounding (or concentrating) the problem in the process. All I know is that I want to keep well away from the amber snow, whatever it is.

At the time of writing, I have no idea what to expect when I land at Heathrow on Wednesday. Am I going to be expected to walk through rolling drifts of yellow snow when I arrive? How much of the stuff is there actually going to be? From the look of the MET Office’s official graphic, a lot! And that brings me on to the smell. With so much yellow snow hitting the UK at once, what about the odour that will undoubtedly follow it? Will it stop the trains? Will public transport as a whole grind to a halt, simply because of the stench? I sincerely hope that the local authorities are taking this risk seriously and will be putting urinal cakes into the road gritters to help alleviate the pong.

And what about us poor mortals that will be caught up in the middle of it? The MET Office is urging people to be prepared. But how does one prepare for the spectre of yellow snow? A raincoat and Wellington boots just doesn’t seem enough somehow. Taking a bottle of bleach or air freshener out with you seems a tad overenthusiastic. If anyone can offer some practical guidance, that would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise, I’m just going to have to take it as it comes and hope for the best.

Yes, that’s probably the best way to deal with it. Ignore the threat and carry on as usual. Chin up and all that… the British way. Best foot forward and be careful not to step in the yellow snow, that’s what I say. And if all goes to plan, I’ll send you a picture when I get there.

Wish me luck!


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