New discovery leaves archaeologists baffled

… You heard it here first…

CAMBODIA: Archaeologists exploring a recently unearthed section of the massive temple complex, known as Angkor Wat, have been left scratching their heads, by the discovery of what appears to be a ‘Made in Italy’ sign, found in a subterranean cellar, deep below the main gallery.

The sign, discovered by head dirt scraper, Enzo Spaghetti, during a NABISCO sponsored rummage through the sacred remains of other peoples’ cultures, has upset locals and caused many of the world’s other professional Indiana Jones impersonators, to label the find as fake, or a cheap publicity stunt, designed to put Spaghetti’s ailing career back on the map.

However, Spaghetti, who has previously courted controversy with finds including, a ‘CE’ mark at on a rock at Stonehenge and a Cadbury’s logo carved into the statues on Easter Egg Island, remains firm on the matter, claiming that his discovery is indeed genuine and that once and for all, the myth that the 162-hectare monument was built overnight by a divine architect of Asian descent, has been debunked.


Stonehenge at dawn - Rob Gregory Author

Stonehenge. Here be druids… and a CE mark, if you look closely.


“I am as surprised as you are…” said Spaghetti, speaking in an exclusive interview with our border-hopping Asian Correspondent, Arjan Falangies-Hoojenflicker, who was wearing khaki, satin, cargo shorts, a battered Fedora and a bull-whip for the historic meeting.

“… But to me, it is indisputable. Angkor Wat was built by the Romans and this twelfth-century design and construction tale that everyone believes, is nonsense. It is nothing more than a smokescreen to prevent the real architects of the monument, us poor Italians, from claiming all the glory. I mean, look at the columns, not to mention the very design of the massive towers outside. You would have to be crazy not to see the similarities with classical Roman architecture. It is as plain as the nose on my face, which is also Roman, by the way.”

The ‘Made in Italy’ sign, which Spaghetti allegedly found scratched into the wall of the temple, just above floor level, has an amateur look about it and lacks the feel of antiquity of the surrounding décor, a point which critics have been quick to jump on.


Tower at Angkor Wat in Cambodia - Rob Gregory Author

Tower at Angkor Wat. Of Roman design, if you believe Enzo Spaghetti, that is.


Speaking on behalf of the Archaeological Research Society of Europe (ARSE), Doctor Hibiscus Flange of Oxbridge University, said: “It is obvious to us that the fellow has scratched the writing onto the wall himself, in what has to be one of the greatest acts of archaeological vandalism in living memory. If he was a complete ARSE member, then we would excrete him from the society without delay. Unfortunately, he isn’t, so we can’t.”

When questioned about the authenticity of the find, Spaghetti was quick to defend his claim: “Of course, the writing is a bit wobbly and looks scratched into the stone. That’s because it was! The Romans didn’t have the luxury of modern technology and it is amazing that they managed to build something as magnificent as this with the basic tools that they had. It probably took some poor Centurion over a week to etch those words into the stone, using nothing more than his bare hands and the fingernails of several dozen of his slaves.”


Statues on Easter Island - Rob Gregory Author

Statues on Easter Egg Island. According to Enzo Spaghetti, Cadbury got there first!


However, despite Spaghetti’s compelling arguments, the one question on everyone’s lips and the one question that Spaghetti himself cannot answer, without looking guilty, is: If the sign is genuine, then why is it written in English and not Latin?

After the official interview, our reporter was approached by Spaghetti’s personal chef, a moustached man of Italian-American descent, called Hocks, who is believed to be an associate of the famous Vietnam war leader, Colonel Klutz. Hocks had this to say about his boss: “This Spaghetti guy – he’s wacko, man. He’s worse than crazy. He’s evil. I mean… it’s Pagan idolatry around here. Look around you!”

So, there you have it. Rumour and speculation about the true origins of Angkor Wat continue to abound this evening, but as far as one man is concerned, it is not even worth boiling a sausage for!


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